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    • A man and woman in their sixties meeting for coffee in a café
    Dating Advice

    Romance and Dating Scams: How to Spot Them and What to Do

    A practical guide for anyone dating over 50, online or off.

    Last reviewed .

    Most people you meet when dating are exactly who they say they are. A small number are not, and romance fraudsters are patient, organised and very good at what they do. They target people of every age and background, but people over 50 lose by far the most money.

    This guide explains how romance and dating scams work, the warning signs to look out for, the stories scammers most often use, and exactly what to do if you're worried about yourself or someone you love. None of it requires you to stop dating. It just helps you date with your eyes open.

    A smiling woman in her sixties chatting on the phone at home

    What Is a Romance Scam?

    A romance scam is when someone builds a relationship with you under a false identity in order to get money from you. It usually starts on a dating site or app, social media, or even a game or messaging app, and it often runs for weeks or months before any money is mentioned. By then the victim feels they're in a real relationship, which is exactly the point.

    The police call it romance fraud. It isn't a misunderstanding or a bad date. It's a crime, usually carried out by organised groups working from scripts.

    Why Romance Scams Matter More After 50

    According to Lloyds Banking Group, over-65s accounted for 55% of all money lost to romance scams reported to the bank between September 2025 and August 2026. Victims aged 75–84 lost an average of £9,051 each, the highest of any age group. Reports are rising fastest among younger adults, but older victims lose the most.

    55%

    of money lost to romance scams reported to Lloyds was lost by over-65s

    £9,051

    average loss for victims aged 75–84, the highest of any age group

    That isn't because people over 50 are naive. Scammers deliberately target people who are more likely to have savings or a pension, who may be recently divorced or bereaved, and who are often new to online dating and how it works.

    Source: Lloyds Banking Group, reported September 2026.

    How Online Dating Scams Usually Unfold

    Every scam is different, but most follow a similar pattern:

    1. The approach.

      A profile that seems almost too good: attractive photos, an interesting job, a widowed or divorced background that mirrors your own. Fake profiles are often built from stolen photographs.

    2. Moving off the site.

      Very quickly, they suggest moving to WhatsApp, text or email, "because I'm hardly ever on here". This takes the conversation away from the dating site's safety checks.

    3. Intense attention.

      Long messages, daily contact, talk of a future together within days or weeks. This is sometimes called love bombing.

    4. Reasons they can't meet.

      They work overseas, on an oil rig, in the military, as a doctor with a charity, or on a contract they can't leave. Video calls never quite work.

    5. The crisis.

      A sudden problem only money can solve: a medical bill, a frozen bank account, customs fees, a plane ticket to finally come and see you.

    6. Escalation.

      One request leads to another, often larger, with more urgency and more emotion each time.

    7. The second scam.

      After the money has gone, someone may get in touch offering to recover it for a fee. This is almost always the same people, or people who've bought your details.

    A woman in her sixties reading a message on her smartphone
    A thoughtful woman with a cup of coffee by a window

    Warning Signs of a Dating Scam

    Any one of these could have an innocent explanation. Several together is a strong reason to stop and talk to someone you trust.

    • They want to move off the dating site or app straight away
    • They declare strong feelings very quickly
    • Their photos look professional, or appear elsewhere online under a different name (a reverse image search will often show this)
    • They always have a reason not to video call, or the camera is always "broken"
    • Their story has small inconsistencies: age, home town, job details, spelling and grammar that don't fit who they say they are
    • They live or work abroad and can't meet in person
    • They ask you to keep the relationship secret from family or friends
    • They mention money, investments or cryptocurrency, even in passing
    • They ask for money, gift cards, bank details, or for you to receive and send on money or parcels for them
    • They become upset, guilt you or go quiet when you hesitate

    Romance Scam Examples: The Stories Scammers Use

    Scammers use scripts, so the same stories come up again and again.

    The overseas professional.

    An engineer on an oil rig, a soldier on deployment, a surgeon with an aid charity. The job explains why they can't meet, and later why they need help with money.

    The investment opportunity.

    No direct request for money at all. Instead, they "share" a cryptocurrency or trading platform that's made them rich and offer to help you invest. The platform is fake, and the early "profits" are there to encourage you to put in more.

    The emergency.

    An accident, an illness, a relative in hospital, a business deal gone wrong. It is always urgent and always confidential.

    The trip to see you.

    They've finally booked to come and visit, but need help with the flight, a visa, or fees at the airport.

    The parcel or inheritance.

    Gold, jewellery or documents held at customs, or an inheritance that needs a fee paid to release it.

    A couple wrapped in a blanket together, looking out to sea

    How to Protect Yourself When Dating Online

    • Keep the conversation on the dating site until you've met in person. Their reporting and safety tools only work there.

    • Video call early. Someone genuine will be happy to, and a call settles a lot of doubts.

    • Do a reverse image search on their photos.

    • Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you haven't met in person, however convincing the reason.

    • Never share bank details, passwords, copies of your passport or driving licence, or one-time passcodes.

    • Talk to someone you trust. Scammers rely on secrecy. Telling a friend or family member is one of the best protections there is.

    • Meet in a public place when you do meet, tell someone where you'll be, and arrange your own transport.

    • Take your time. Anyone genuine will be glad to go at your pace.

    If You Think You're Being Scammed

    If something doesn't feel right, act now. There is no need to feel embarrassed: these are professional criminals, and people from every walk of life are caught out.

    Key numbers
    Your bank's fraud team
    159
    Report Fraud (England, Wales, NI)
    0300 123 2040
    Police Scotland
    101
    Forward suspicious texts
    7726
    Immediate danger
    999

    1. Stop all contact and don't send any more money. Don't confront them or warn them you've worked it out.

    2. If you've sent money or shared bank details, call your bank straight away. Dial 159 to be connected securely to your bank's fraud team (most major UK banks are part of this service). Or use the number on the back of your card.

    3. Report it.

    4. Report the profile to the dating site, app or social media platform where you met.

    5. Keep everything: messages, photos, usernames, payment receipts and bank details they gave you.

    6. Forward suspicious texts to 7726 (free on most UK networks).

    7. Beware of anyone offering to recover your money for a fee.

    If you're worried about a parent or relative: go gently. People who've been targeted often feel ashamed, and scammers coach them to distrust family. Listen first, ask questions rather than accuse, and offer to make the call to the bank together.

    How Avenues Keeps Introductions Safe

    Avenues Dating is a personal, offline matchmaking service exclusively for people over 50, and safety is a large part of why our members choose us.

    Every member is personally interviewed by our team and must provide photo ID (a passport or driving licence). Members also consent to background checks and agree to our code of conduct. There's no public profile and nothing to browse, so nobody can contact you unless we've introduced you. You see a written profile first, photographs are exchanged only once you're both interested, and you meet face to face.

    We can't promise love, and no honest agency can. What we can promise is that everyone we introduce to you is genuine, interviewed and verified.
    Request your free, confidential consultation or call us on 0800 644 4170

    Find out how it works, or read our pages on over 60s dating, dating for women over 50 and dating for widows and widowers.

    Questions About Romance and Dating Scams

    Can I get my money back after a romance scam? open/close

    Sometimes. If you sent money by UK bank transfer, you may be entitled to reimbursement under rules introduced in October 2024, up to £85,000 per claim, as long as you claim within 13 months. Card payments have separate protections. Cash, gift cards and cryptocurrency are much harder to recover. Contact your bank as quickly as you can: speed makes a real difference.

    Do scammers target men as well as women? open/close

    Yes. Men and women are both targeted, and both lose large sums. The stories differ a little, but the pattern is the same.

    Is it my fault if I've been scammed? open/close

    No. Romance fraud is carried out by organised criminals who use tested scripts, false identities and real psychological pressure. Intelligent, careful people are caught out every day. The responsibility lies entirely with the people who did it.

    Is it still worth reporting if I haven't lost any money? open/close

    Yes. Reports help the police spot patterns, take down profiles and protect other people. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, report to Report Fraud. In Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101.

    Are dating agencies safer than dating sites? open/close

    It depends on how the agency vets its members. Ask any agency what checks it carries out, whether it meets members in person, and whether it checks identity documents. At Avenues, every member is interviewed and must provide photo ID before any introduction is made.

    What happened to Action Fraud? open/close

    Action Fraud was replaced by Report Fraud in December 2025 for England, Wales and Northern Ireland. Visit reportfraud.police.uk or call 0300 123 2040.

    More on bank transfer reimbursement from the Payment Systems Regulator.