Is It Tough for Women Over 60 to Find Love?
For a whole host of reasons, there are more women over 60 and single than ever before. So, should there not be more men in the same position, also looking for a partner? If so, what makes finding that new partner seem to be such a challenge once we’ve turned 60?
Women tend to live longer and be more active for longer than men, so the pool of potential partners for women over 60 does inevitably become somewhat smaller. The process of ageing raises a concern for women as they do not want to find themselves acting primarily as a carer for someone, as they themselves become older, rather than finding a lover capable of giving equally to a relationship. For this reason, some women may aspire to meet a suitable man close to their own age, but preferably younger than themselves, whereas eligible older single men may sometimes hold an outdated conviction that they should be with a woman who is younger than they are. So, without some give and take here, each gender could be staying single and seeking someone who may not see them as their ideal match, due to age disparity or not being on a par as regards having a similar level of fitness or activity.
What Are the Roadblocks That Get in the Way of Finding Love?
As both men and women go through life, we tend to become less willing to adapt or to bend our own desires and interests to fit with those of someone else. We might regard this as ‘becoming more picky’. Habits can all too easily become ingrained as we become older, making it harder to ‘grow together’ with someone new. It may take us out of our comfort zone when meeting a new person who enjoys some different activities from us or has slightly differing tastes in such things as entertainment, holidays or food.
Additionally, over the age of sixty, some of us have retired from working and may therefore have a greater opportunity to be spontaneous, whereas others still enjoy or need to be going to work. Dovetailing disparate lifestyles, where both are not currently on the same page, takes a degree of understanding and accommodation that we may be less inclined to give, as we have become used to living the life we are living and focusing on our own needs and priorities.
What Solutions Can Be Adapted to Make Finding Love Easier?
For reasons like this and others, a growing number of older people who have found a partner, have become a couple that are ‘living apart together’, meaning they enjoy many of the fun and special aspects of a relationship, but don’t have that day-to-day grind of running a joint home. This might be the best solution if both of the couple really enjoy being with the other person and having their love and mutual support, but still like to maintain a degree of independence that they have become used to later in life. It might not suit everyone though, so honest conversations which explore if this works for both parties need to be had, if this is to be a successful way forward. Trying hard to accommodate someone else’s wishes that don’t work for you, rarely leads to contentment in the long term. Better to be brave and explain how you feel and find out how they feel too, than to go along with something without considering if this is really what you both want.
Older adults lucky enough to have begun a new relationship can become aware that they may need to ‘seize the day’. There are not those seemingly endless years ahead that were there for us when meeting someone special in early adulthood. This realisation can tinge a new relationship later in life with a degree of sadness but may also make this new relationship that much more valued and we may feel particularly grateful for it.
The Concept of Love and Finding Self-Confidence
Listening to Vanessa Feltz recently when speaking about her new book, she referred to her early life experiences and how they formed who she is, saying that she was brought up to find a husband, and to not seeing herself as being complete without a partner. This is something many of us can relate to. However, finding oneself single later in life can truly be an opportunity to take stock and reflect, and to recognise ourselves as being a whole person, perfectly able to love ourselves and those around us, without a partner to make us complete. Coming to this feeling and understanding of ourselves can help us to enter a new relationship from a position of inner strength and security, giving us a confidence within ourselves that others will find attractive. We will also have a greater understanding of how a relationship will add a lot to our lives, rather than being something needed to save us from being single.
If you are single, over 60 and would like to be with someone new, perhaps the best advice is to love yourself first, say yes to opportunities and to meeting others, and work out what you’d like to find in someone else rather than confusing this with fixating on a list of ‘must haves’. This is absolutely not about our having to settle for second best, it is about being open to opportunities and new experiences and realising that relationships do not have to fit any preset norms, they just need to work well and feel right for the two of you when deciding to become a couple.
If you feel ready to find a new partner and don’t know where to start, then why not contact our dating experts at Avenues Dating. We’re a senior dating agency that really takes the time to get to know you as an individual, understands what you want in a life partner, and then matches you with like minded potential partners. Our professional matchmakers have countless years of experience creating successful, happy couples — perhaps it’s time to begin your journey to find love today!